I'm a pretty weird individual with a bit of baggage here and there.
If you don't like Rap music ,cute animals, or batman you probably shouldn't be here :]
Jose has always been scared of not fitting in. Jose has always been lonely.
Jose has always felt like he couldn’t do anything. Jose has always felt like he was worthless. Jose has always been afraid to show who he really is and put himself out there. Jose has always put himself down and started a pitty party for himself. Jose’s worst fear has always been that he would die alone. Jose has never had a real girlfriend and never thought he would find anyone who would like him. Jose was an idiot.
I have always felt broken but this week i really felt destroyed. The past few days of tears and gut wrenching thoughts. I had heartfelt talks with my parents and after a lot of thinking i finally understand.
I’m done being my old self. I need to change.
I have never felt so much motivation then how i have felt today.
I used to fall apart and break down when the pain hit. Now I’m going to master the pain and fuel my life.
I’ll get my ass kicked by life 1,000 times before I give up now.
For those who are religious I’ll punch the devil in the fucking face if he tries to put me down.
I Want to live my life i want to feel confident. I’ll dance if i want to dance, i’ll sing if i want to sing, I’ll step out of my comfort zone, I’ll get laughed at by everyone and I won’t care. I want to have fun.
I know that the feelings i get when i wake up, the feelings of remorse and the idea that no one will care about me when i wake up, will probably stay, but I’ll pick myself up every morning and live my life.
The anxiety i get in my gut and the loneliness i feel at night under the covers in the dark will still try to grasp me and make me give up, but I’ll get through it every night with no bitching and no moaning.
Getting my heartbroken won’t stop me from wanting to find a relationship anymore. I’ll learn and change with every moment in my life now. I’m working out every day now, I want to change my look and take care of myself. I want to look good and feel good for myself and for maybe that woman in the future who will want to give me a chance.
I’m sorry for this long ass post but this fire inside me is burning up and my motivation is through the roof. I just ran 5 miles and i feel amazing. I want to be confident and i want to leave this old person i used to be behind. I might still fall flat on my face some days but this time I’ll pick myself right back up and keep going forward.
If for whatever reason I can never find anyone who will love me as much as i love them ,I’ll just make sure i lived a damn good life before i die.